Bruce's Head: Way to go, genius. I warned you not to have another diet soft drink and now you feel like crap for the third time in a row.
Bruce's Mouth: Sorry, I just felt like a soda, and...
Head: And now I can't tell my left brain from my right, thanks. The sodium in that beverage has sucked three-fourths of the water content out of our system, and I feel like someone is trying to squeeze me through the pupil of our right eye.
Mouth: It just tastes so good. I had this craving, you know?
Head: You had a craving? A craving! For a CAFFEINE-FREE diet Coke?? No sugar, AND no caffeine?!!?. What exactly is the POINT of that?
Mouth: Er...
Empty Coke can: Pardon me, and do excuse the interruption but I cannot help but feel somewhat responsible for the present predicament in which you find yourselves.
Head: I'm the only one in a predicament here. If mouth weren't so dry right now, he'd be whistling. How can you be responsible? Let me guess, you wriggled your way out of the fridge, hopped up onto the desk, opened and poured yourself down our protesting mouth and throat, right?
Coke can: Not quite, but I do come in an attractive package of crimson and gold.
Head: Wait 'til I get my hands on you... as soon as I can control them again... you won't be so attractive after we squeeze you into a twisted scrap of bent aluminum!
Headache: Hey, remember me? Still here! Party's been going on for three hours now! YEAH baby. Feel that beat! It's quite a job to throb!
Head: Ow. Go away.
Can: Perhaps I can help. You are obviously under-hydrated at present. Perhaps one of my brethren, this time poured in a glass container over three or four cubes of fresh, clear ice with that delightful spider-web cloud at the center. Our liquid refreshment does cause those cubes to pop and tinkle every so delightfully!
Mouth: Ooh ooh! Yeah, good idea!
Head: No!! Shut up! And definitely no tinkling in any glasses! Diet soda is not as nice as it sounds -- it's really on HIS side.
Mouth: Whose side?
Headache: Mine. YEAH baby! Still going strong! Boom boom boom buh-BAM a lamma ding dong...!!
Can: You might try taking me with a tablet or two of ibuprofen?
Head: (Shouting) What's that? Speak up! Pills, you say? Well, I was considering that option but I don't like to become too indebted to those things...
Headache: Wait! No, no -- bad idea. We don't need those guys. I'm doing great on my own, really. HEYYY JUUUUDE, let's make it bad...!!
Can: If I may...
Head: Ughh! How can I think straight with you two around? Let's see now...
Eyes: Sorry, no can do. Kinda busy here. You're squeezing us shut at the moment.
Headache: Heh heh heh.
Mouth: Mr. Can has a point - our friend Advil might want to help out.
Head: Save it. You just want more of... more of HIM! I'll never, never allow this to happen again, do you hear me!!?? NEVER!
Mouth to can: (Whispers) See you tomorrow morning? Say, 10 a.m.?
Can: Delighted, dear chap. I'd be simply fizzled!
Headache: Go, baby GO!!
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