Dick: Ba-boom, baby! I’m sitting tableside with the Jacobs tonight and it looks like Mom has cooked up another delicious and nutritious dinner! How does she do it!? Didn’t this beautiful woman just get back from triathlon training? Look at that figure! (Oops, sorry Dad!) And here come the two oldest boys now. Dad is shepherding them into the bathroom to wash their hands. Oh! They just executed a textbook scatter move to avoid hand-washing. But it looks like Dad’s got ’em cornered. I’m telling you, this man has the size and weight advantage and he’s not afraid to use it, baby! One under each arm — look at the determination on his face!
OK, hands are washed and they’re sitting down for the meal. Here comes the blessing... and Sammy jumps off his chair! He’s off to the races... but no! Brilliantly corralled by Mom, and I’ll tell you what, she had the foresight to strap Riley into his booster chair first to prevent another scatter play. This woman’s seen it all, folks. Oops, boys are fighting over who gets to say the blessing again. Let’s see how Mom & Dad handle this one. Yes, Sammy admits he said it at lunchtime, and he’s, he’s... calming down. Whew! This 5-year-old is really showing signs of maturity lately... could be the kindergarten class.
Dinner is served. Dad dishes up Sammy’s chicken casserole while Mom helps Riley. And Sammy’s off his chair again! There he goes! He’s off to the potty races folks. Boy, you get that body sitting still for five seconds and look what happens. Now Sammy’s back. He goes for the rolls---ooh! Rejected by Mom! No bread until you’ve tasted your casserole, young man! Meanwhile Riley uses the distraction to tip his chair backward—denied by Mom again! But good try. This is one 4-year-old whose competitive fire is only matched by his vocabulary! Was that an adverb he just threw out there like a champ? Maybe, but what do I know, I’m a sports broadcaster…
And now timeout is called by little Ezekiel (Zeke, baby!) who just pulled a hat trick by dumping dinner on the floor for the third straight night. Not to worry, he'll eat if off the floor later. Kid’s got moxie, I tell you! OK, Dad plugs him with a sippie cup and we’re back into action! Sammy and Riley still refuse to try the casserole... uh-oh baby, this one could go the distance! Mom and Dad are busting out all the moves: bribery, super-heroes and villains, cajoling, begging, pleading... Did Dad just threaten a college tuition blackout? Yes! Will it work...? No! Would you look at the recalcitrance on those angelic faces! The sheer defiance! Their lips are sealed tighter than Daddy’s wallet, and they COULD—GO—ALL—THE—WAY until bedtime!
But no! Christy pulls out the last-resort: dessert! We’re headed to overtime with double-chocolate-chip cookies! (Would you believe Bruce made them?) She and Dad are eating them in front of the kids... The boys are eyeballing the treats, now looking back at dinner. Ooh! Zeke has spotted the good stuff and he's screaming for a "ga-ga" as he calls them. I don’t know, I think the older boys' will is crumbling... and they’re... they're eating! Whoa! And just like that, dinner is devoured in unbelievable time and it’s all over but the face wiping. Another thriller! This has been Dick Vitale, and I’m out!
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